I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize