im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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