I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
