i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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