no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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