i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
