I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
