We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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