wanna go halves on a baby?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
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