ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
