Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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