you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
