there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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