Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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