Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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