Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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