it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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