I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
