i jhust puked up my retainher.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
