Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
