how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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