The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
