physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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