is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
