I heard we made out
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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