dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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