this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
