I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
