Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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