Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
