i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
