I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
