it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
