Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
