they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
