If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
