You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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