take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
