am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
