shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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