Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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