I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
