i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
