its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
