Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
