Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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