i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize