guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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