i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
