For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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