Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
