And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
