Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
