i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
