i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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