At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i will never coherently bang her
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
