I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
