God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize