I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
