I am in a vortex of obligation.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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