I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
