just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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