I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
