I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my being single is dangerous.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I had to cum in my sink.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
