I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
