i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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