Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
you had me at cake vodka
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
