I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
