Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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