I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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