all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
