I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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