hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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